Bee's Blueprint: 3 Months

Phoebe Girl is 3 months new today. Her daddy and I think she's the cutest little bug and brings heaps of joy into our home every day, every hour. Except maybe the 6 o'clock pm hour. Bee is a charmer and loves to flash the sweetest of smiles to any friendly face. And if we're lucky she will even giggle! Bee finds new ways to talk, sing, and coo every day. She has been moved out of the bassinet in our room and into her crib in her own room. This was sad for mommy. Bee is an angel sleeper during the night. I'm afraid to even say it out loud because I don't want the Universe to notice :). We are pretty incredibly lucky! She thinks naps are for babies though and fights sleep during the day time. Bee has discovered her wonderful! marvelous! magical! hands and has started grabbing things to bring to her mouth for further investigation. It's amazing to watch her learn and discover the world around her. Oh Phoebe Girl, we love you!

Video: Talking Phoebes

Talking Phoebes from B&G Duncan on Vimeo.

Tour of Utah 2012

It's the most wonderful time of the year ... for cycling! BD's heaven on earth. He talks about it for weeks before. He watches it live on the computer and on his phone. Then he watches it again on TV. Sometimes twice, just to make sure he doesn't miss a thing. Then we go see the stage in person. Then he watches the news coverage. Then he talks about it for a couple more weeks after. I'm not sure what the right word is to accurately describe the whole scenario, but obsession comes to mind so we'll go with that. The Tour of Utah grows bigger and bigger every year and is always fun to see. We were able to get out to a few stages and see the riders pass by. It's so intense! Bee didn't know what to think of all the hype, especially the helicopter.

Mouth of Little Cottonwood Canyon, Stage 5

Probably my most favorite picture of Bee ever taken. EVER.

Deer Valley, UT, Stage 6

Kisses for my Bee

Levi Leipheimer, stage winner!

Pop quiz! How many times do you think BD has asked when he can take Bee out in a bike trailer?
Answer: You're too low ;)

Date Night / Wicked

BD can be really good at surprises and likes to splurge once in a while. When tickets to Wicked went on pre-sale last fall he jumped and snagged us some stellar seats. I wasn't even pregnant yet, or maybe newly pregnant, because when the tickets arrived in the mail I remember staring at the date and thinking OMG I will have a 6 week old baby, and we will need a babysitter. Flash forward to the week of the show and I was all kinds of nervous to leave my baby for the first time. Isn't it funny how quickly we become attached? There is a first time for everything. We left Bee with Auntie Jen (friend, neighbor, lifesaver) for the evening and knew she was in excellent hands. When we drove away BD was shocked that I wasn't melting down, and kept saying You are doing so good! / You just left your baby for the first time! / I'm so proud of you! Well. By the time we hit Sunnyside Ave I was fighting back tears. BUT. By the time we hit 4th south the tears had stopped. Swedish Fish and Milk Duds at Capitol Theatre helped take the sting away. I love the few minutes right before a performance starts when the lights start to dim, people are shushing, the orchestra is tuning. It's exciting!

The girls behind us thought we were taking a picture of them. It was super funny, but I think you had to be there. It's obvious I don't get out much :)

July 24, 2012

We had a lovely evening together and I was grateful for the alone time with the hubs. Remember him? Ha. I absolutely ADORED the show. Every minute. Every song. Neither of us had seen it before so it was new and fun. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. My old buddy Tom at the parking garage let us park close to the exit so we could have a quick getaway. By all accounts Bee and Jen had a smashing good time together as well. Bee won't stop raving about her Boo Boo Bear antics, which were obviously a big hit. Thank You Aunt Jen!

Thoughts on Mommyhood and why you should never give up on this dream

I am a mom. I tell myself this everyday, lest I forget all the days before when I wasn't a mom. I haven't forgotten that longing. It pains me to know that so many others are still in that boat, bobbing up and down at sea and watching all the other mommy boats float past. I was stuck in those waters for many years wondering if I would sink or swim.

And people would say,
"I'll sell you my two-year old!"
"Enjoy your sleep while you can!"
"At least you can travel!"
People will say silly things in order to feel better about your situation. But what they are not telling you is that they would never, not in a million years even if it was legal, sell you their two-year old. They know that no amount of sleeping on your stomach in between soft white pima cotton sheets would ever make up for seeing your baby shoot you a big milky smile at 4 o'clock in the morning. No adventure to the farthest antipodes in search of the world's best gelato could replace the love you will have for your own child.

I am a mom. Among others things. But right now, it's my newest, bravest endeavor. And this job is so much harder than anything else I've ever done. This coming from someone who once went a whole year without eating a cheeseburger. My little one is currently in the next room not taking a nap for the second time today which means I've started and stopped this post about 77 times. She is a wild one, my girl. Sometimes I wonder how God can stuff a spirit this big into a body that small?

I often wonder what I would say to someone still bobbing.
Waiting.
Hoping.
Now that I'm in the mommy boat.
That is.
There is a reason you want this.
I remember thinking, Why is this so hard? Why do I need this so much? Why does it hurt so bad? I will tell you, there is a reason your heart is pricked every month you are not pregnant. There is a reason your uterus skips a beat when you drive past a park with an empty swing. And there is a reason it may feel like something, someone, is missing from your nest. And when the doctor/midwife/husband/birth-mother hands you that baby for the first time you will absolutely believe in miracles. You will feel bigger than the universe in that moment. The heart-break will begin to fade as pure love fills your soul and you will want to burst from the inside out. You will be proud of yourself for not giving up on this dream. You fought for her. For him. For them. No one can ever take that from you. It is MAGIC.
That is the reason you've wanted this so very very much.
Don't give up. It is that good.

I am her mom. I pray every day that she will grow slow so I can watch her with eyes wide open, but even still, it's all happening way too fast for this new momma. Some days she does not want to be put down, she wants me to hold her, with her bum resting on my forearm, head perched on my shoulder so she can see the world as I piddle around the house attempting to do one-handed jobs. Other days she wants me to swaddle her and rock her back and forth as she sleeps against my warm body. And when my back is aching and my arms are numb and I'm looking at the clock wondering when Daddy will be home, I think how can I deny her this? I've never wanted to be good at anything as much as I want to be good at this, at motherhood. The learning curve is steep and sometimes unforgiving, but it's amazing all the same. When our two gazes lock my heart stops and I get the sense that she can see me, right to my very core, and she knows I'm her momma and we are together again.

via Kill Bill v. II

Just trust me, there is a reason you want this. Someday you'll know what it is. Keep fighting, and I'll be praying for you, too. In the meantime, enjoy your sleep and travel the world!
P.S. I've got a gassy 2 month old infant for sale if anyone is interested... ;).